Beginnings

“Bend over the desk.”

It was the request I heard a couple of weekends ago on Sunday the 22nd.  I had been on my knees sucking the cock of a fuck buddy of mine for less than minute.  He had walked in my unlocked condo only a couple of minutes earlier.  His cock had since gotten hard and as I pulled my mouth off I made a concerted effort to leave some spit on his cock.  This fuck bud was a ‘spit’ guy for the most part and although I always kept a bottle of lube easily accessible on my nightstand he, and many others, often ignored it.

I hadn’t been sucking his cock long but my knees still cramped slightly as I slowly stood up.  I walked the few feet over to my desk, bent over, and placed my hands on the oak top.  I was already nude except for a jock strap having taken off my clothes before he had arrived.  His demands were he always wanted me nude except for the jock strap, waiting in the bedroom, with the door unlocked.  He would text when he was a minute out and I would get ready. 

As I got into the position with my legs spread he was still in his clothes, with just his now hard cock sticking straight out.

I looked down at my desktop as I bent over.  I kept a clean and organized desk with my various papers and bills piled neatly in one corner.  My desktop computer, monitor and keyboard were in the opposite corner.  The only other items on my desk were some stamps, a couple of ballpoint pens, and the cover of the only porn DVD I owned.  It was titled, “Fuck Holes.”  A one time fuck who had asked if I had any porn brought it when I advised him that, “No, I don’t have any porn.”  He had inadvertently forgotten about the DVD and had walked out without it after dumping his load.  It has since become the only porn that I played for those guys who asked for porn to be running in the background.  It was actually a good movie with the theme being bottoms taking on all loads from complete strangers.  I rarely watched it, especially by myself, but on occasion when being fucked I had looked up to see someone very much like myself, often in the same position, getting fucked and loaded. 

The DVD was only one item in my collection of lost but not found items that I had collected over the years from men who in their haste to leave had not checked to make sure they had left with all of their possessions.  In addition to the DVD I had 8 pairs of sunglasses, 2 small dildos, dozens of sample size lube packets, and more condoms than I could use in a lifetime.   One guy had even left behind his wallet, and all of its contents, in my hotel room when I was on a trip in New Jersey.  I was certain he would call shortly after he had left realizing he had left his wallet behind.  It contained his driver’s license, credit cards, and a small handful of bills.  Oddly he never came back that night and the next day I checked out and I took the wallet back home with the plan that I would try to get it back to him.  I never did.  I had a small Rubbermaid container that I kept under my bed where I stored all of these left behind items, including this stranger’s wallet.  I keep thinking that one of these days I’ll toss them out.

The left behind condoms had always puzzled me.  Not that they left them behind, but that they had brought them at all.  I would be cleaning up after a fuck, a bareback fuck mind you, and sure enough there would be a couple of unused condoms on my nightstand. I have no problem with a guy who wants to fuck covered.  In most cases before we meet it’s a given that we are going to fuck bareback.  Yet many guys will still bring condoms and toss a few next to the bed and then proceed to never use them.  These would not be my regular fuck buddies, but guys who I meet for the first time, either at my place but most often in a hotel when traveling.  I had experienced it many times watching as a guy gets undressed and he would pull out a few condoms and toss them next to the bed.  When it came time for fucking though they would rarely hesitate before plowing in bare, skin-to-skin.  I wonder if by showing me that they brought condoms that they were thinking that they are putting the responsibility on me, the receiver of their eventual load.  It’s almost like they are saying, “Hey dude, I gave you the option to play safe so don’t blame me later if things go bad.”  I’m not sure I understand it to be honest.

I heard my fuck buddy rustling as he proceeded to take off his clothes as I spread my legs a little wider and bent my chest lower towards my desk.  This was actually the first time he had asked to fuck me anywhere other than the bed.  I found myself getting hungrier for his cock as I stood there and waited for him to come up behind me.

I looked to the side and saw myself in one of the several mirrors that I had hanging from my bedroom walls.  My bedroom was nicely decorated, with various artworks hanging on the walls but I had also strategically put up several decorative mirrors around my room.  I didn’t do this for vanity reasons, but for the very reasons I found myself in.  I liked to be able to watch myself get fucked and the mirror next to my desk gave me a good view of my body arched over, legs spread, and gave me a good view as my buddy finished undressing and walked up behind me with his thick 8” cock leading the way.

It was this view that momentarily gave me pause.  Although I had played with this fuck bud many times over the past year he was by no means a ‘hot’ guy.  He was about 10 years older than me, with a somewhat scrawny body.  He was hairy, but it was the type of hairy that many guys who hit 50 find themselves in where it’s no longer this perfect patch of hair on their chest with a nice trail going down to their crotch.  He was just hairy, and grey hair at that, even on his chest.  He also smelled of cigarettes.  I can’t stand smoking, and the smell of a smoker can at times almost make me nauseous.   If I had not already known he was a teacher he would have easily passed as a homeless person on the street.  Yet here I was bent over, hands placed firmly on the desk, my ass pushed out and back preparing to get used and fucked like he had done many times in the past.  There was nothing particularly memorable about this fuck.  We had done variations of the same thing dozens of times.  I had no plans to write about him.  He had a big cock, but other than that he was nothing unique or special and wasn’t worth spending the mental energy to document what we did.  So why write about it now?

As he came up behind me I continued looking at myself in the mirror and I suddenly found myself thinking, “What in the fuck are you doing?”  What happened to me over the years where not only was I letting a guy like this fuck me, I actually found myself getting even more turned on and excited knowing that I was giving myself… and my hole in such a slutty manner, not caring that I was not even physically attracted to the guy.  Sure he had a nice and thick cock but I knew that even if his cock were average I would still let him fuck my hole any time he wanted. 

He had gotten close me behind me and as I watched in the mirror as he put his middle finger in his mouth and then moved his hand down to my ass and not very gently jammed it up my ass and started to finger fuck my hole.  This was his modus operandi and I knew what to expect, but I still found myself tensing up my hole as I knew he would jam in his cock in a similar fashion in less than a minute.

As quickly as he was jamming his finger in and out of my hole I found my thoughts just as quickly sorting through the many escapades in my past in hopes that I could find some reason to explain why I had turned into such a cock whore that I would let someone like this guy fuck me as if I was nothing more than just a warm hole for him to dump his load.  There were definitely some very memorable moments when I was much younger that I believe helped steer me on this path.  And even as I felt the sting of his finger once again roughly plunge into my hole I found myself thinking back to an encounter I had in the late 80s when I was still in college.  I quickly ran through one particular memory in particular and it only took a few seconds to play out the entire episode in my head as my buddy continued to jam his how two fingers in and out of my hole. 

__________________________

I had just started going to one of the two gay bars that were located in my college town.  I had one good gay friend who had helped me along with coming out of the closet, including talking me into going to and meeting him at my very first gay bar.  I had had several minor sexual experiences before then, many when I was much younger, but this was officially my ‘adult’ coming out and the gay bar scene was the next logical progression for a young gay college kid like myself.

I had been going on the weekends with my buddy for a couple of months.  We went to dance and have a few drinks, but never did I have an interest in meeting a guy and going home with him.  The opportunity was there, and I often found myself in the awkward position of having to tell some guys that I was tired, or that I had to get up early the next day to study, go to class etc.  To go home with a guy from a bar and sleep with him was just wrong.  Only slutty guys did that and I definitely wasn’t going to let anyone think that I was one of those guys.  I was open to having dinner, going to a movie, basically going on a date, but there was only one guy who asked me out to dinner and he was in his 40s and of course was much too old for me. 

Yet I still had fun dancing, drinking, and meeting new friends.  I would only meet these guys at the bar but I quickly found myself knowing many guys on a first name basis.  I would rarely see them outside the bar, as I was already busy going to school full-time and working two part-time jobs.  However, it was nice to have some friends and peers that I could unwind with on occasion, albeit in a gay bar setting.

Most of my new friends were around my age, with some ‘older’ friends stretching into their younger 30s.  It just was the way it was back then and most of the guys in the bar were younger to begin with.  The older guys went to another gay bar in town, which had the reputation for also attracting guys who were older and into leather.  I never went to that bar and none of my new friends did either. 

One of the new friends I met was a funny guy who I knew was attracted to me simply because he came right out and told me.  He did it in a joking and non-threatening manner though so I never took him that seriously.  He usually bought me a wine cooler, which at that time was a luxury.  We would also dance and since he was older (he may have been 30…) I found myself looking up to him as somewhat of an older brother, albeit a gay older brother who flirted continuously. 

He was around my height, which is 5’9” and was a little overweight.  He wasn’t obese but he did have a little beer gut on him.  We were just friends though so his appearance really didn’t matter to me.  He also had a great sense of humor and in groups was usually the one who was cracking the jokes and making the group laugh.  It was because of this that I often sought him out when I showed up at the bar and we would often hang out together until closing time when I would hop in my car and head home to my little apartment.

I eventually found out that he was in a relationship, and an odd one at that.  He was dating a drag queen.  I knew nothing about drag queens then and still to this day I honestly do not understand that segment within the gay community.  I have no negative feelings towards drag queens, and no doubt just like being gay they found themselves in their own inner circle within the gay community often keeping to themselves.  I had seen his partner on occasion but more often than not my buddy was alone at the bar.  As he told me she preferred going to the ‘other’ bar where evidently the drag queen community found themselves welcome.  I think they also did shows over there although I never attended or went to any.

I think knowing that he was in a relationship helped me brush off the continual flirting that that he often heaped on me.  It also helped boost my own self-esteem.  Who doesn’t want to have someone tell them they are so hot and how they would love to get their hands on me.  It was always just verbal and he rarely was physical with me other than the occasional goodbye hug as we left the bar to go our own way.

I had been going to the bars for a couple of months and had known my new friend for just as long when he told me on a Saturday night that they were having a party after the bar closed at their house.  I had heard about these ‘after bar’ parties but had never attended one.  I was usually too tired and ready to go home, but I also was still somewhat insecure with my developing social skills.  I wasn’t exactly introverted but I was close.  The thought of going to a party at someone’s house and having to have small talk with complete strangers brought up just enough anxiety that I always found an excuse not to go when asked.  On this night though it was my friend’s party and after first telling him that I was probably just going to go home he no doubt noticed my apprehension and for the first time put on some real pressure to come over, “…if just for a little bit.” 

He told me the area of town where he lived and although it was not that close to my apartment it also wasn’t completely on the other side of town either and my drive home from the party would not be that long.  He continued to ask me to come, almost begging, and I finally conceded and told him that I would go, but that he needed to stick close to me because I didn’t know a lot of his friends.  Although I didn’t tell him I also was uneasy that the party would no doubt have people attending that I normally wouldn’t hang out with.  Plus his drag queen partner would be there and I couldn’t help but think that she would notice someone like me, especially if her boyfriend was paying me lots of attention.  I worried a little bit but then brushed it off and headed out of the bar, to my car, and then followed the directions he had given me to his house.

When I arrived at the address I could tell that there were already plenty of people who had arrived, as I needed drive over a block away to find a parking spot on the street.  I got out of my car and walked back to the house, which was a smaller, plain, and looked to me to be no more than 1500 square feet.  It was an older neighborhood and I surmised that it was most likely built shortly after WWII.  I could hear the music, the base in particular. I was several houses away and momentarily wondered what his neighbors must think about a party still going loud and long early in the AM. 

As I cut across the yard toward the front door I heard my friend yell my name and I looked up to see him standing in the driveway which pulled up next to the house and extended to a garage located behind the house.  I briefly wondered if he had been waiting for me.  I walked over to meet him and although the front door was closer and people were entering he started walking toward the back of the house along the driveway and soon we were walking in a side door, no doubt the entrance one would take if they were coming from the garage. 

The back entrance entered into the kitchen where several people were standing around talking.  There was also a stairway to the left heading down to a basement.  I briefly glanced down but noticed nothing more than the lights were turned down and the basement had been carpeted. 

We proceeded to go through the kitchen and I was briefly introduced to a few people.  He then took me through the rest of the small house where the majority of the people in attendance were hanging out in the living room.  There was not much to see other than a small hallway that led to the bathroom.  There were also two doors that were closed, no doubt the bedrooms.  He then grabbed two beers from a cooler on the floor giving me one that I took and opened but never took a drink.

As expected the makeup of the crowd was not the same as the bar I had just left.  It was an older group, mostly men in their 30s and 40s, and with a gaggle of drag queens sprinkled throughout.  There were also a group of men who were clearly into leather.  I had seen a few of these guys when they came to the bar, but they mostly hung out at the other bar.  Everyone appeared to be having a good time and although I was still somewhat anxious it was clear that no one gave a damn that I was there.  I did stick close to my friend though as we begin to work the room.  I made a quick mental note that I was easily youngest person there.

The chitchat was what you would expect.  I mostly just listened and when given the opportunity I asked follow up questions when someone would mention something about himself.  I had long ago learned that I was not comfortable talking about myself, at least in groups.  That was not the case with most people though.  Most were more than happy to talk about themselves and nothing gave them more pleasure than someone asking them to talk even more about themselves.  My queries were small contributions to the conversations but they seemed to be appreciated.  As I listened I also knew myself well enough to know that I would probably not be staying very long at this party.  It wasn’t that I wasn’t enjoying myself, but it just wasn’t my thing.  There were too many people with backgrounds that I could not relate and I knew that my ease with continuing the small talk would soon turn tiresome and more difficult.

My friend, as promised, never left my side.  He clearly was very comfortable in his skin and was often the lead talker in the various groups.  He would often look over to me though as he talked to others which I found comforting.

After about 20 minutes I started thinking about how I could politely back out of the party and head home.  I wasn’t really tired, but I had heard enough and I needed some ‘me time.’  I headed to the bathroom, closed the door, took a piss, and headed back to the living room.  My buddy was talking to someone and I gave him a heads up look that silently but clearly sent the signal, “Hey, I need to talk to you.”  He quickly came over and I told him that I was gong to head home.  He gave me a somewhat surprised but still pleasant look and said,  “Really?”  I confirmed that yes I was ready to head home. 

He wasn’t going to try and talk me into staying which was a relief.  He did however quickly glance around the living room and suddenly said, “Let me show you my room first.  You’ve never been there.”  I was a little surprised that he wanted to show me his room but I didn’t let it register on my face.  I could care less that his room looked like.  I also briefly thought that if my buddy had any ideas that he was going to do anything with me while a party was going on just down the hall he was kidding himself.  He flirted with me all the time but it was just in fun.  Plus he knew that I was not attracted to him.  I had never come right out and said it, but he knew that I liked guys around my own age.  I quickly surmised that if he wanted to flirt some more I could easily handle it, even in his room. 

He asked me to follow him and then he proceeded to not go down the hallway but back into the kitchen.  I followed and soon found myself walking though the kitchen and toward the backdoor.  That was when he turned and started to go downstairs to the basement. 

“Your bedroom is in the basement?” I asked?

“Our apartment is down here” he replied and then quickly descended the stairs. 

His apartment?  Whose house was this?  I was thinking these things as I momentarily stopped at the top of the stairs.  He had already disappeared around the corner at the bottom of the stairs.   I momentarily thought about calling his name, but instead I slowly headed down the stairs.  I wasn’t nervous, not in the least, but the idea of getting in my car and heading home was becoming more enticing by the second.

As I reached the bottom I could see that the basement was finished.  It consisted of one large room with what appeared to be a small bedroom on the opposite side and a small bathroom to the right of the stairs.  There was also a small kitchen area that had a refrigerator and a microwave, but there was no stove.  It was sparsely furnished with just a larger sofa, TV, and some shelving units where there was various knickknacks and framed photos.  It smelled clean, but it gave off a familiar damp smell that was normal to many houses with basements in the Midwest. 

My buddy was standing near the kitchen area and he asked me how I liked the place.  I soon learned that he did not own the home, but instead just rented out the basement apartment with his partner.  I must admit that I was somewhat disappointed to know that he didn’t own the home, or at least have a nicer place to live. Although I was living in a similarly sparse apartment in the back of an older lady’s home I at least had the excuse that I was working my way through college and just having my own apartment I considered an accomplishment.  He however was older and I had assumed a little more successful than apparently he was, or at least successful enough not to be living in some basement apartment.  My opinion of him dropped slightly, but it wasn’t dramatic.   I simply felt that he should have a little more by his age.  Apparently he did not. 

My buddy continued to talk and I continued to focus more on finding a way to get out of the conversation and start to head home.  He then asked me if I wanted to say hello to his partner.  It was then that I realized that I had not seen her upstairs.  I had never talked to her before as she rarely came to the same bar as he did.  I did however know what she looked like, as she was hard to miss.  In the drag queen world apparently she was quite popular and good at what she did.  Although very pretty I just never understood the attraction that some gay men had with other men who preferred to dress up like women.  My buddy evidently not only didn’t have a problem with drag queens, but instead was actually attracted to one enough to be her boyfriend.  In my need to understand my own homosexuality I had made sure I kept an open mind to not judge others by how they decided to live their lives.  My lifestyle certainly wasn’t not the norm, but it was normal to me so who was I to judge someone else who liked to dress up once in a while.  I did however wonder why my buddy was always flirting with me when he clearly must have had an attraction to drag queens.  I was not some super butch guy, but I wasn’t exactly feminine either.  In today’s world I would have been descried as a ‘twink’ but not because of any particular mannerisms, but simply because I was young, virtually hairless, somewhat thin but in good shape.  I also had a solid ‘bubble butt’ that I knew was one of my best assets. 

My buddy then walked across the basement and opened the door to what was in fact the bedroom.  I followed but the anxiety that was previously slight was starting to pick up the pace with each step.  Why was his partner downstairs and why hadn’t I seen her earlier?  What exactly was going on here?

I followed him into the bedroom and was presented with a very small room that consisted of a full mattress that was lying on the floor.  It wasn’t on a bedframe but was just lying there.  There was also a small lamp next to the bed that was turned on but gave off very little light as some type of fabric had been placed over the shade.  There were clothes scatted on the shag carpet which gave the place an even more messy appearance.

Lying on the bed was his partner.  She had taken off her wig and most of her makeup.  She also appeared to be sleeping and in that moment I relaxed just a little.  My friend went over and gave her a shake with his hands and she woke up just a little.  I could tell by the glossed over look in her eyes that she was quite drunk.  She did not attempt to get up and I did not step through the doorway, instead I leaned forward into the room acting as if I was not allowed to take a step inside.  She was so out of it that she could barely talk and although she smiled and said some things to me I had no idea what she was saying. 

It took less than a minute and my friend was soon walking out of the room and closing the door behind him.  He didn’t seem to be phased by her being drunk.  I concluded that it was probably not the first time she had gotten drunk and passed out.  He then walked back to what would be consider the living area of the basement and sat down on the couch.  He asked me to come over and sit with him on the couch, which I did.  It had been a few weird moments and I was relieved that he had closed the door and let his partner go back to sleep. 

I sat down and although I was still more than ready to head home I allowed him to talk some more and we began to discuss various things.  I didn’t asked many of the things I wanted to ask, like what was up with his partner, what did he find attractive about her, and what was he doing renting an crappy basement apartment at his age?  Instead I felt relaxed as there was just the two of us now, with the party still going on above us and his partner passed out in the other room.

I was used to his flirting so it didn’t bother me when he again started to compliment me and tell me how much he liked me.  However this time we were not in a bar.  In hindsight I should have known what he was up to but I just did not have that type of experience, and I especially was not experienced in how to handle a guy who was interested in you, but you did not feel the same way back.  I was still trying to navigate the normal social etiquette of becoming an adult, so an older guy making overt passes at me was still slightly out of my league.

In the bar he at times would touch me, usually grabbing my butt or rubbing my chest.  However, in the bar it was harmless and he wasn’t so obnoxious about it where it looked out of place in the bar, or made me feel uncomfortable if someone else noticed.  Guys were always grabbing each other for fun in the bar.  But we were no longer in the bar and he began to touch me on the couch, at first just rubbing my leg with his hand and then more fondling as he rubbed his hand over my chest and brushed it lightly across my crotch. 

I could have left.  I know that.  I could have put my foot down; nicely even, and just said I was ready to go home.  I have no doubt he would have let me get up, head up the stairs, walk out of the house and head home.  He may have been disappointed if I did but he wasn’t going to force me to stay there.   I knew him well enough to think anything other than the normal ‘not again’ feeling I was having.  However, I didn’t stop him.  I didn’t grab his hand and pull it off my leg.  I didn’t brush his hand away when he ran his fingers across my chest and stomach.  We continued to talk, and he continued to lightly run his hand up and down my body.  I had no expectations of what was to happen next but I wasn’t nervous in the least.  I just went along with it not knowing where any of this was going.

Out of nowhere he suddenly leaned over and started kissing me.  It caught me off guard completely and I put my hands up and put them on his chest.  He was wrapping his lips over mine and I was so startled that I didn’t move, didn’t kiss him back, and just kept my hands on his chest as if to put up some barrier between him and me.  I kept my eyes open and noticed that his were closed. 

I did not however push back on him.  He continued to sloppily kiss me and soon was running both his hands along my sides and was pulling me closer toward him.  My hands were still between us but I found myself letting him pull me closer.  I also relaxed my lips and face, which had been locked tight when he had first reached over to kiss me.

I did not know what to do.  I did not see this coming but yet I was not stopping him.  I could smell the beer on his breath, which was not pleasant.  My hands also felt his body, which was not very firm.  He was not fat, but he was not in shape either.  He outweighed me by at least 40 lbs.

He continued to kiss me and went further and started to push his tongue into my mouth.  I could have easily kept my lips and mouth closed but for reason I did not.  I was still trying to understand my own reactions, or lack thereof, when I relaxed and soon I felt his tongue push deeply into my mouth.  It was as if I had sent him an all-clear signal.  He had previously just been rubbing his hands on my body, but suddenly he was grabbing me harder and pulling us closer together.  My hands that were on his chest slipped down and although I did not grab him I did place my hands on either side of his waist.  He then began to push me sideways on the couch and where as before we was upright I found myself being pushed on my back with him putting his full weight on my upper body.

He was still kissing me and his hands were becoming more aggressive.  As ignorant as I was I still wasn’t sure how far this was going to go.  Maybe he just wanted to make out?  I didn’t know but still I let him proceed and even though I wasn’t enjoying it as much as he obviously was I did find myself getting excited.  I was still barely 20 and the hormones were still there.  He grabbed my crotch again and I felt myself getting hard.  He noticed also and started to focused one of his hands solely on my crotch and was rubbing my cock aggressively through my jeans

He was now almost entirely on top of me and my legs were no longer on the floor but were on top of the couch.  I was flat on my back and he was lying on his side with enough of his upper body pressing down on me where I didn’t have much room to move.  His right hand was now pressed firmly on my cock and I felt him fumbling for the buttons on my Levi’.  Quickly he had pulled the buttons apart and I felt his hand now rubbing against my cock directly over my underwear. 

I still had my hands on his sides, and in our new position my right hand was trapped under his body.  He suddenly grabbed my left hand, which was free and brought it down to his crotch.  I had not felt many cocks through their pants, but I quickly felt the outline of his rock hard cock through his jeans as he used his own hand to grab mine and rub his cock with it.  He only had to guide my hand for a few seconds before it took over on it’s own.  It had only been a couple of minutes when he first reached over and abruptly kissed me and now here I was lying on my back and reaching down with my hand and feeling his cock.  With his lips and tongue still working over mine I found myself starting to grind my body up against his.  If someone had told me I would have been doing this even 5 minutes earlier I would have told them they were crazy, yet here I was.  I was grabbing his cock and I was enjoying it.

My hormones were definitely taking control and with my fingers I was trying to grab his cock and get my fingers around it, but I was having a hard time with the jeans in the way.  My buddy no doubt felt me start to not only give in, but get into what we were doing.  As I was grabbing his crotch I started to work my tongue over his, which turned him into even higher gear as he continued to reach down and rub my cock.  I noticed that in addition to my cock his fingers were reaching back further and rubbing my ass but he could only get so far with my jeans in the way.

My buddy was getting more and more aggressive and suddenly he first sat up and then stood up next to the couch.  Not sure what he wanted to do I sat up also.  He quickly walked over to the door that led up to the main level and shut it.  As he walked back I noticed that the look on his face was the more serious than I had ever seen it.  It was more than just lust, and if you didn’t know what he had just been doing you would have thought he was mad and getting ready to tackle someone.  He came back to the couch and started to tug on his own jeans and within seconds he had them unbuttoned and yanked down to his knees along with his underwear. 

Although he was still wearing a shirt it did not cover his cock as it sprung up and out with his pants no longer in the way.  Before I even had a chance to absorb what he had done he grabbed the back of my head, pulling it toward his cock, and said, “Suck my cock.”  

He was not gentle when he pulled me forward.  He had one hand on the back of my head and the other on his cock.  I reached up with my left hand and placed it on his thigh.  I didn’t expect to be able to push myself back from him but I felt like I needed to at least give the attempt that I had some control in the situation.  With his hands he quickly positioned his cock at my lips and instinctively my mouth opened and shortly thereafter the head of his cock filled up my mouth.

I had some experience with guys before this night.  I did not, however, have enough experience with many guys to know what a big dick was, or a small dick was for that matter.  All I could really do was compare it to my own and I immediately knew that his cock was much bigger than my own.  It was only in hindsight and many cocks later did I realize that he had a big cock.  The length was slightly above average, but the thickness was not only above average but fell into what I would now call the ‘huge’ category. 

After his cock had popped into my mouth he removed his hand and now put both hands on the back of my head.  I took the opportunity to take my hand off his thigh and grab his cock with it.  My fingers grabbed the base as the rest of his cock was already as far as it would go into my mouth.  I found that I could not wrap my fingers completely around his cock.  It was close, but still there was a small gap where my fingers did not touch my thumb.  Nowadays I would know how rare a cock like his is, but back then all I could think of was how much bigger his cock was compared to mine.  I have a nice cock, but I could at least get my hand to easily wrap around it at the base.  My buddy had what I would later learn was called a ‘beer can’ cock. 

By no means did I know how to suck cock.  I had done it before, but the circumstances were different, and in some cases I was too young to know that it was even called sex.  This however was two adults, one older and more experienced, and myself who was definitely not in control and didn’t have a clue what I was doing or how to react.  I looked up with my eyes and my buddy was biting his lower lip with an expression that looked like he was about to hit me.  He was not being gentle and it was all I could do to keep my mouth open.  It was too thick to take very deep, at least with the minimal experience I had at that time, so I basically just tried to keep my mouth open as far as possible as I knew that in no way should my teeth rub against his cock. 

When he was kissing me earlier and rubbing my crotch I had began to melt just a little as my hormones started to take over.  With his cock in my mouth I was now less sexually excited and more focused on just trying not to choke and also continue to breath.  He was trying to fuck my face but he was only able to pull the head of his cock out of my mouth and jam it back in where it was not able to go very deep.  I realized I was grabbing his cock very tight.  With him putting so much pressure on the back of my head trying to jam his cock down my throat I instinctively just grabbed tighter and tighter.  His cock was rock hard.  I’ve since come across many, many cocks that although they can get hard they rarely get ‘rock’ hard, especially if the cock has any substantial size. I was surprised I was not hurting him by how much I was squeezing his cock, or if I was he was too caught up in the moment to say anything. 

The buddy who I was just earlier talking with and having a normal conversation was gone.  In his place was someone who appeared to be barely under control of his own actions.  He pushed my head back, literally.  He didn’t pull his cock out of my mouth but instead used his grip on my head to push me backwards and off his cock.  I had been sitting on the edge of the couch and when he pushed me back I lost my balance as I fell backwards against the couch.  As I fell backwards my legs came off the ground in an attempt to balance myself.  When they did he grabbed my ankles, one in each hand, and proceeded to then grab my tennis shoes and pull them off.  To his credit he didn’t throw them across the room, instead just letting them drop to the floor.  He had already unbuttoned my jeans so when he grabbed the cuffs and started to yank it didn’t take very long before I felt the jeans slide first off my hips, then down my legs, and then soon found them pulled off completely.  As with my shoes he let my jeans fall to the floor.

Without missing a beat he then reached down and looped his fingers around the waist of my Fruit of the Looms and yanked them down and off, tossing them on the floor.  I was now naked from the waist down.  That did not last long as he then proceeded to grab my arms and pull me forward on the couch so my feet once again were touching the floor.  He then reached down and pulled my t-shirt off.  Now I was completely naked except for my white socks.  He left those alone.

He then proceeded to unbutton his shirt and take it off.  He simultaneously flicked off his shoes and using his feet stepped on the cuffs of his jeans and stepped out of them.  He now was as naked as me, standing in front of me with nothing on other than his socks, which he left on. 

With his shirt off and his body now exposed I took in his whole body for the first time.  He was overweight but not in a grotesque manner.  He had a hairy chest and some hair on his stomach but he was no bear by any means.  He did have a slight gut but his cock, which hung thickly out and slightly down from his waist, overshadowed it.  I could now clearly see that it was as thick as I had previously felt in my mouth and with my fingers.  He was much bigger than me and it was so thick.  I couldn’t take my eyes off of it and it more than made up for any of his physical flaws otherwise.

I didn’t have much time to take it all in before he was reached down once again and pushed me sideways on the couch where I once again found myself on my back.  He moved swiftly and was soon on top of me, but unlike before he was completely on top of me with all of his weight pushing down. I had my legs up on the couch and pulled together.  When he pushed down on top of me he at the same time reached down and pulled my legs apart and up so that he was not only on top of me but my legs were now spread apart underneath him.  I found my legs pulling back at the knees, bending and wrapping around his waist.  I didn’t do this to assume any position, but merely pulled them back because there was nowhere else they could go. The couch was large but it was not wide enough that he was able to have both of his legs on the couch as well.  He had pushed me back and kept his left leg on the floor, which also gave him more leverage as he lay on top of me. 

Again he proceeded to kiss me and even more sloppily than before.  Previously he has been aggressively tongue fucking my face.  He now was practically drooling and I could feel the spit as it flowed into my mouth and on my lips.  He was drooling enough that I could feel the spit rolling down the sides of my cheeks and onto the couch.  I had never been kissed by someone who made no attempt to keep his saliva to himself.  I can’t say I enjoyed it, as it was so different.  I didn’t like messes in general so to have someone make my mouth and face a sloppy spit receptacle was distracting.  Yet I didn’t pull back or turn my head sideways and I let him continue.  Something in me told me that if he enjoyed this then I had some obligation just let him continue. 

My legs and knees were already pulled up and soon I felt him readjusting his position so that he could get my knees resting on the upper sides of his arms.  My legs were not on his shoulders, but they were not far away.  I was now even more pinned back with less possibility of movement than before.  With my legs pulled back and my knees approaching my chest I noted that my ass was also being elevated slightly off the couch.  His cock was pressing down on my stomach.  I could still feel the hardness of it against my abdominals muscles as he started to not only lay on top of me but also begin to grind his body into my own.  Thankfully the couch was older and the cushions were very soft which allowed him to press deeply into me without it being extremely uncomfortable.  My flexibility was also fairly good.  So having my legs and knees pressed up and back was not as uncomfortable as I would have previously thought, especially when it was a man who was much bigger than me and was pressing all of his weight against me.

As he ground his hips more and more I could feel him starting to sweat.  It wasn’t a lot and he wasn’t dripping, but where our skin touched it was getting moist and his stomach in particular was starting to slide against mine.  As he started to glide against me I could feel his cock was moving as well.  I had an urge to reach down and grab it but in the position I was in I was only able to reach up and grab him around his upper body and shoulders. 

We had never discussed sexual roles previously.  We had talked about sex at the bar and he knew that sexually I was very inexperienced.  I was no virgin, but I was close.  He knew this and in hindsight that may have added to his persistence with me over the past several months and his incessant flirting.  But we never discussed the graphics of sex, even to the point of talking about fucking, oral, etc.  It was discussed as just ‘sex’ and how much, or in my case how little, each of us was getting.  He had mentioned to me that he didn’t have very much sex with his partner.  Even though he had brought up the topic I felt uncomfortable discussing it with him so we never got into what exactly he was into.  I had made the assumption, partially due to his drag queen girlfriend, that he was most likely a top.  But at that time I rarely even thought of sexual roles or pegging someone as either a ‘top’ or a ‘bottom.’  I didn’t know if he had wondered about me, but it was clear at that moment with him between my legs and his grinding his huge cock against my stomach that he clearly was not interested in me hopping on his ass.

He continued to make out with me for a few more minutes.  It had been only 10 minutes max since he had first reached over and kissed me.  Compared to the few sexual experiences I had had things were going very, very fast.  Yet it was clear to me who was the more experienced at this type of thing.  He was not hesitating in the least as to what he wanted to do and how he wanted to do it.  Because of this I felt an obligation to not only continue to let him push this experience further, but also to try and keep up and at least act like I had done this before.  I’m not sure if he could sense the lack of my experience, but if he did he either ignored it or more likely he was enjoying it. 

I had not said anything since the initial kiss and other than him telling me to suck his dick he had said very little.  He was not silent though, and far from it.  His moans and grunts were loud enough where I almost started to feel self-conscious about the lack of any similar guttural responses.  He appeared not to notice, or care, that I was silently letting him continue to do whatever he wanted with me other than the occasion deep breath when I felt my lungs depleted of oxygen from the position I was in and his weight pushing down on my chest. 

His grunts continued but he soon added a few more words in the discussion when he told me he was going to fuck me.  He had whispered it in my ear when he took a break from my mouth and rested his head against the cushion of the couch.  He didn’t ask if he could fuck me, he told me he was going to fuck me.  It occurred to me then that when he told me to suck his cock that it had not been a request at that time either.  He was not asking, he was telling me what he wanted.  I had not said no, or given him any indication I was not willing to play along so I can’t blame him for thinking that he could keep pushing forward with his actions.   

When he said he was going to fuck me the thought of it didn’t register with me as much as one would think.  When he asked me to suck him I had simply found my mouth engulfing a cock soon afterwards. I didn’t have time to think about the implications of what sucking his cock would be like.  It simply happened.   It was the same when he told me he was going to fuck me.  I had no idea what to expect next, or how it was going to happen.  I didn’t even think about the size of his cock which I had already deduced to be bigger than most.  Even as experienced as I am now many years later I know that when someone of his size wants to fuck that I need to mentally prepare for it.  At that time though there was no experience to fall back on, at least in terms of consensual sex between two adults.  I had had other sexual experiences when I was younger, but the comprehension that one is even participating in ‘sex’ at that age was non-existent. I was no longer a kid.  Instead I was having my first fledgling sexual experiences as an adult.  He said he was going to fuck me and I registered it no differently than if he had said he was going to give me a foot massage.

He pushed back and sat up on one knee with his other foot still on the floor.  I stayed on my back and kept my legs and knees pulled back.  I could have relaxed them and put them down but something instinctively told me to keep them pulled back.  I even took my hands and placed them behind my knees.  No one had trained me to assume this passive position but looking up at him towering over me it felt like the most natural thing in the world.  He then smiled for the first time since we started.  It wasn’t the big, dorky grin I was used to seeing at the bar, but a smile that appeared to be from pure enjoyment, lust, and just a hint of aggression. 

He began to stroke his cock with his right hand and with his left he reached down and for the first time I felt his fingers rub the outside of my ass.  The thought of his cock actually going in my ass still hadn’t registered even as he pulled his left hand to his mouth and spit on his fingers. 

He reached down and again I felt his fingers on my hole, but the feeling was quite different now that he had added spit to the mix.  It was slippery as he rubbed his two middle fingers against my hole.  It felt good.  He leaned over and although I was somewhat grossed out by it I understood exactly what he was doing as he pooled up a wad of spit in his mouth and aiming quite well spit a wad of saliva on the area between my balls and ass.  I felt the spit start to drip down onto my hole as he again took his fingers and rubbed them against my ass.

He continued to spit on his fingers and rub my hole for about 10 seconds.  He then once again drew his mouth into a circle as he pooled more spit in his mouth but instead of leaning over and spitting on my hole he let the spit slowly drip out of his mouth and onto his cock.  I can’t claim complete ignorance.  I knew what he was doing.  I had ‘done anal’ a couple of times but there had been lube involved.  The spit however felt similar and when he began rubbing his cock with his spit I knew what was coming next… or I thought I did.

After another quick spit application with his left hand to my hole he began to adjust his position on the couch and line up his cock with my hole.  To my credit I tried to pull my ass up high enough to reach his cock.  He was not going to be able to keep in his current prone position and hit his mark.  He once again was leaning his entire body over mine but this time he was not putting all of his weight on me as well.  He used his right hand to grab the back top of the couch and with his left hand he grabbed his cock and came closer and closer.  I soon could feel the heat from his body as he came closer and soon after I could feel the head of his cock touch my ass.  There was no poking around to find the hole.  The first touch of his cock was directly on the hole.  I looked at his face and his head was pointed down looking at his cock and my ass.  I couldn’t see what he was seeing but I could certainly feel it. 

I felt him begin to press his cock against my ass.  I was oddly calm, and in hindsight much more calm than I should have been.  I had done this before and in those few instances it was a persistent but slow process.  I knew it would hurt a bit as it had before.  However, I was entering new territory.  I just didn’t know it.  There was no easing in with either him or his cock.  With an excessively thick cock I now know there is no comfortable way to get it in, but at that time dick size just wasn’t factoring into my train of thought at all.  He could have had a small dick, a large dick, and it just wouldn’t matter as far as I knew.  Then he pushed forward.

I don’t remember the feeling of being stretched, or even feeling his cock actually enter my ass.  The only thing I felt was a pain that was many more times as intense as anything I had ever experienced in my life.  I am not an expert on the brain and what makes it at times override any control one has over their body.  All I knew was that almost immediately my legs pushed out straight and my body arched up with all of my abdominal muscles pulling my body, and my ass, up and off of his cock.  Also for the first time since we had started our session I made a noise.

“Ahh!  Stop!  Stop!” I yelled out. 

I did not have time to filter who could hear me.  If anyone was anywhere near the door to the basement I am sure they would have heard me yell out.  Considering that the party was still going on upstairs I wonder to this day whether anyone did hear me.  But there was no conscious thought when I physically reacted to his cock pushing into my ass.  My body did this all by itself.  It was like touching a hot coal with your hand.  I pulled away without even thinking about it.

To his credit my buddy didn’t react as negatively as I thought.  I was gasping for air, with my arms pushed put in front of me touching nothing but air, but making sure that no one was going to be coming close to me again in the near future.  The pain did not subside immediately, far from it.  It was 15 or more seconds and the pain was still incredibly intense to the point where I was still taking huge gasps for air.  After another 15 seconds or so the pain started to subside and instead of pulsing through my whole body the pain started to pull back to the source – my ass. 

I reached down with one of my hands and placed a few of my fingers on my hole.  I’m not sure what I was expecting to feel or do with my fingers, but I still felt the need to make sure that it was at least still in once piece.  It was and after a few more seconds I started to relax my legs and relax my body back down onto the couch.  To my buddy’s credit he remained calm as I gathered my senses.

I looked at him for the first time realizing that I had been keeping my eyes tightly closed since he first shoved his cock into my ass.  I felt no anger toward him whatsoever.  In fact I almost immediately began to feel embarrassed.  I not only was still new at sex but evidently I was incredibly bad at it, or so I thought, as clearly pushing someone off you and yelling for them to stop is not how it is supposed to go down.  He was showing concern on his face but he did not have a look of shock or disbelief as I worried he would.  I even sensed that there was a slight, a very slight, degree of amusement on his face.  I had no clue that a big dick was of course going to hurt like hell, especially when spit is the only lube.  He, however, had been down this road before.  I wondered if he only then remembered the discussions we had had about sex and how little experience I had.

“You okay?” he asked.

I looked up at him meekly and just said, “That hurt.” 

I was still rubbing my hole when he reached down with his own fingers and pushed mine aside.  He was now rubbing my hole with his fingers gently.  My breathing was getting back to normal as well. 

We had been going along smoothly and it had ended quite abruptly.  I may not have known what was going to happen next but it became apparent that he did know what he was going to do next and he was ready to get it going again.

“Here, let’s try a different position” he stated as he reached down and once again pulled me up into a sitting position.  “Turn around and put your knees here and rest your elbows on the back of the couch” he instructed as he pointed to where he wanted my knees and arms to go.  He essentially was instructing me to get into the position where my knees were on the edge and I was facing the back of the couch. He told me to keep my knees spread a little apart as I bent forward over the back of the couch, resting my elbows.  I realized that I was now in the position where my ass was pushed out and about waist high where he was standing behind me.  I quickly put two and two together and realized he would be coming from behind this time.  He had moved so quickly to get me into a different position that I didn’t have enough time to even consider whether I wanted to continue what we had been doing.  However, even after what had just happened I was still doing what he told me to do.  My ass was still throbbing yet I found myself getting into a position where it was clear what he was going to do next.

As I once again tried to relax I realized that unless I turned my head sideways I could not see him standing behind me, or what he was doing.  He had already begun to rub my ass again with his fingers and soon after I heard him spit and I felt a glob of spit hit the crack of my ass and drip downwards where he rubbed it on my hole.  I heard him spit again and did not feel it land on my ass but instead heard the familiar squishy sound which no doubt was him rubbing the spit on his cock.

Most people after going through such a painful experience would not proceed to prepare themselves to do it again.  Yet here I was doing just that knowing that he was again going to try and push his cock into my ass.  I now clearly understood that something about this guy was different and it no doubt had something to do with the size of his cock.  Being ignorant that a larger cock would hurt more than a smaller cock sounds incredibly naïve but that’s exactly where I was during that stage of my sexual exploration.  I’d hate to think I was the only one who had found themselves in this position, and I doubted I was.  The only thing I did not know was whether I was going to be able to go through with this to the end.  If it hurt like it had previously I knew that even if my mind was game my body was not going to just lie there and take it.  I had no clue what to expect next.

I pressed my forehead down against the back of the couch as once again I felt his cock touch my hole.  My body twitched quickly but then stopped, appearing to settle in for what was yet to come.  As he had done before he began to push but I could sense that unlike the first time he was at least trying to go slower.  With his size there was not going to be a slow entry but he had reasoned that he was not going to be able to go fast or deep right away.

His cock head once again popped into my ass and the pain was excruciating.  However unlike the first time I did not pull away and my body stayed in place.  He did not push any further and just held the head of his cock in my ass.  It was killing me and I heard myself moaning uncontrollably.  He continued to just hold his cock in its current position and after about 30 seconds he slowly began to pull his cock out of my ass.  It was still hurting and it was anything but enjoyable but the sharp, stabbing like pain had again reduced itself down to a dull and unpleasant throbbing.  Unlike the first time I actually felt him pull out and a sense of relief surged through my body as my hole quickly closed.

He gave me about 15 seconds and once again I heard the familiar spitting and heard the sound as he rubbed that spit on his cock.  He pushed forward and I felt his cock once again slide into my ass.  The pain came roaring back but the intensity was slightly less than before and much less than the first time.  He held his cock again in my hole but instead of pulling back this time he slowly began to push forward.  I wasn’t sure what to expect and I braced for the worst knowing that just the head going in felt like he was practically ripping my hole open.  Surprisingly as he pushed forward the pain did not increase, but just changed in a different way.  I still felt the throbbing but there was the addition of the feeling of pressure as I felt his cock go deeper and deeper.  I no longer felt the stabbing pain, but instead felt the edges of my ass as his cock slid deeper and deeper.  He did not stop and kept pushing forward.  I started to once again feel a different pain, this time deeper and more specific to an area deep in my ass.  No doubt his cock was hitting something that did not like to be hit.  He kept pushing forward and I started to breath harder as the pain increased with each millimeter.  Suddenly I could feel his lower abs push against the cheeks of my ass and although he was still pushing forward I could tell that there was very little cock left to go deeper into my guts.  There were a couple of slight movements as his cock crept forward but then suddenly it was clear that he had gone as deep as possible.  His cock was now buried to the hilt in my ass.

I still felt that deep pressure and pain as the head of his cock pressed against some unknown part of my insides, but it was balanced by the sense of relief that it was all in.  I had done it.  I was still in a lot of pain, but there was a slight sense of accomplishment as I felt him push forward and his dick no longer went in any deeper, and instead he was just pushing my body further up on the couch.  He then started to slowly pull out which was an all-together different feeling and with much less pain.

He did not pull out all the way and with his head still in my hole I heard and felt him spit again, this time falling on my ass and dripping down and around his cock.  He took a couple of his fingers and rubbed the spit around the base of his cock as he started to push back in.  I took a deep breath knowing what was coming but also knowing that he had already gone as deep as he could and that if I just relaxed I could probably do it again.  He pushed and sure enough in a couple of seconds I once again felt him bottom out. 

He pulled out again, this time a little quicker, and like before he stopped short of pulling out and with just his head in my hole he started to push it back in deep.  His speed was quicker and within a count of one second he was base deep.  He repeated his in and out thrusts and his pace became quicker and quicker.  He didn’t get up to a super speed, but he was easily pushing all the way in and pulling almost all the way out in about a second with each thrust. 

I was now officially getting fucked and just the thought that I had somehow hung in there allowed me to relax and it was only then when I realized that my body was still incredibly tense.  My back was arched up like a cat and slowly I relaxed my back, legs, and upper body until I was arching my back with my ass pushing out even further and backwards.  If he had any problems having access previously to my hole I now was definitely giving him full access.  Still in pain, and feeling each thrust, I did manage to lay my head sideways on the couch and just close my eyes and take it.

My buddy no doubt had worked open many holes and again he had broken someone in.  He was fucking at a good pace, but it wasn’t a jerky pace.  It was deliberate and powerful with each stroke.  I felt his hands on my ass and occasionally I could feel as he pulled my cheeks apart to no doubt get a better view of his cock as it sunk deep into my ass. 

It had been no more than 15 minutes since he first reached over and kissed me but here I was bent over the couch, ass in the air, with my buddy standing behind me and fucking me relentlessly.  I was grunting with each thrust and the pain was still there.  I did feel a slight stickiness, which no doubt had to do with the lack of real lube, but he would thankfully continue to spit on my hole occasionally.  After a few minutes of fucking though it felt as if there was a new kind of slipperiness to my hole and it was not coming from his spit.  I do not understand how one’s ass comes up with it’s own lube but it was one of the first times when I discovered that when pushed to it’s limits one’s ass will find a way to get some relief.

My buddy had gotten a little more verbal as he began to get into a solid pace.  His cock had stayed amazingly hard.  There was no softness as I felt each stroke hit solidly to the depths of my insides.  After a few minutes I reached back to feel his cock.  I wanted to know what it felt like.  I couldn’t see what he was seeing but I could at least feel it.  I was surprised when my fingers reached my hole and attempted to feel his cock as it slipped in and out of my hole.  I couldn’t really grasp it in my palm, but I could pull my fingers apart similar to the ‘Spock’ hand sign and feel the width of his cock with my middle fingers.  I couldn’t believe how wide his cock was and was pondering the fact that somehow my hole was now not only able to accommodate its width, but also the depth.  I took my fingers away and again relaxed, arched my back and pushed my ass back against his cock.

I had not thought about my own cock at all during this entire period.  I knew it was hard earlier before we started fucking but since then I did not even think about my own cock.  For the first time I realized that although I was hard it was not a raging hard on like I normally had any time I was beating off.  I reached down and stroked my cock but with his cock pushing up and into my guts it felt almost distracting to be jacking off at the same time he was pushing into my ass.  I once again put both my hands on the back of the couch and relaxed as much as I could.

It was around this time when I wondered how long he wanted to fuck me.  Would he want to fuck a long time?  Would I be able to hang in there if he did?  My ass was starting to sting and a different type of pain started to set in.  I was able to take it but my ass was definitely sending me signals that the friction was getting to me.  I started once again to tense up and my groans as he plowed deep with his thick cock got a little louder as he continued to fuck me like crazy.

He must have sensed that I was experiencing something different because he slowed down a bit.  When I had periodically looked back at him he had been standing up with his legs slightly spread apart as he fucked me.  I felt him change positions and the angle of his cock changed as he leaned forward.  He now placed both hands on the back of the couch next to mine.  The angle change alone was enough to get me to grunt louder when he once again began to piston his cock into my ass at a good pace.  The new angle was pushing his cock more downwards into my insides and the spots his cock was hitting changed slightly.  However the angle also limited how deep he could go so although it was a little more uncomfortable at least he wasn’t going as deep.

I sensed he was trying to figure out a new position as he started to move his hands once again.  With his right arm he reached around and laid his elbow flat across the back of the couch.  With his arm now in front of my head I had no place to rest my head other than on his lower forearm.  His other hand still was still pressed against the back of the couch supporting his body on that side.  He continued to fuck me and I found myself pushing my ass back against his cock with each thrust.  I had previously held it in place, but I now felt that I had an obligation to at least do some of the work.  It was still hurting, but I pushed back anyway.

He may have started to get tired, or he may have just wanted to try something different but he soon began to draw back his right arm which had been laying flat on the back of the couch.  As he did so he slowly wrapped his arm around my neck and began to pull me backwards up and back from the couch.  After about 10 seconds of maneuvering I was soon still on the couch with my knees firmly on the edge, but my upper body was now vertical and he was once again standing behind me with his legs spread apart in order to keep his cock lined up with my ass.  He had managed to keep his cock in me as he switched to this new position.

If someone had walked it they would have thought he was choking me as it looked exactly like that.  My hands had fallen to my sides when I no longer had them against the back of the couch.  The only thing supporting me from falling over was his arm, which was now tightly wrapped around my throat.  He was not squeezing and it surprisingly wasn’t uncomfortable but he was definitely in a position where if he wanted to he could quickly could tighten his hold on my head and neck.  He didn’t and I soon became comfortable with the position as he continued to fuck me.  Again the angle changed and instead of him pushing forward with his cock he was now moving his hips in an upward position and pushing his cock in and up into my ass.  He would occasionally shove his cock hard enough into my ass where I felt as if my knees were almost getting lifted off the couch and the only thing holding me in the air was his arm around my neck and his cock in my ass.  It was as if he had hooked me like a worm on his cock.

With his arm around my heck and holding me firmly next to him he began to whisper into my ear.  He wasn’t having a conversation and wasn’t expecting any response from me, but instead was just describing to me what he was doing to me.

“I’m fucking you.”

“Oh fuck that feels good.”

“Fucking take it.”

It went on like that for several minutes and once again my ass started to have that stinging sensation.  His pace had been consistent for a while but he slowly began to get a little jerkier with his movements and his cock would occasionally stay locked deep in my ass for a few seconds before he would pull back out.  I had jerked off plenty of times to know that he was getting close to coming and the slowing down and occasional all out stopping of his thrusts was him getting to the edge of cumming and then backing off.

He tightened his grip around my neck slightly although I don’t think he did it consciously.  He was mumbling in my ear as I felt him get closer to coming. 

“Ah fuck.”

“I’m gonna cum.”

“Fuck, I wanna cum.”

He suddenly tightened his grip even more and thrust his hips so hard into me that my knees did temporarily lift off the couch.  He was pushing his cock as deep as it would go but he kept pushing as if trying to get just one more inch into my ass.  He also began to get fairly loud as he clearly was beginning to cum.

The physical act of someone cumming in my hole had never really registered before yet I had no doubt that he was cumming big time in my ass as he yelled into my ear.

“Oh fuck!  Oh Fuck!  Oh Fuck!”

With each yell he pushed me up and off the couch with his hips, his grip tightly around my neck.  As he did I felt like a rag doll.  I had no control over what he was doing and I didn’t even try to gain any.  In an odd way when I knew he was beginning to cum I knew that I had to do whatever I could to not disrupt whatever was going through his mind.  I knew what it was like to cum and be distracted.  I had never thought getting fucked could be this rough yet even with my ass now screaming in pain I dared not do anything that would distract him from cumming. 

He continued to push up and into me but I could tell that he had peaked and he was coming down from his cum shot in my ass.  As he slowed down his grip around my neck loosened.  It had never been as tight to block off any air and I never felt worried that he would do anything that would actually hurt me, other than what damage his cock was doing to my ass obviously.

He started to shake his head a bit as if he was coming out of a dream.  He was pushing his head into my neck and I felt his mouth sucking uncontrollably on my neck.  I doubted he was giving me a hickey but he appeared to just want to suck on my throat with his mouth as he came down from his cum high.

After about a minute of almost total silence and with him still buried deep in my ass he carefully let go of his grip around my heck and instead grabbed my chest to balance me.  As he did so he began to pull out of my ass slowly.  As he did he shuddered several times but eventually after about 10 seconds I felt the head of his cock slip out of my ass.  As it did I felt a sense of relief and I noted that as he had pulled out I no longer had any pain whatsoever in my ass.

When he had completely pulled out I slowly rolled over off my knees and once again I found myself sitting on the edge of the couch with his cock inches from my face.  He was still hard but I could tell that it was starting to slowly go soft.  It was glistening and because it was still close to my face I was sure I could smell the very familiar scent of cum.  I knew what my own cum smelled and tasted like and I wondered how much he had cum in my ass.  His cock head had a small drop of cum that had begun to hang off it’s tip.  I had the sudden urge to reach out my tongue and lick it off but I didn’t.  He was running his hands through his hair and I noticed that his face was covered in sweat. 

He suddenly collapsed on the couch next to me, grabbing me as he went, until I was pulled back on top of him with my back against his check.  He was still sitting up slightly but I was pressed up against him as he put one of his arms across my chest and held me against him.

We talked a little in that position with him mostly repeating over and over how much wanted and needed that.  It was an awkward conversation though as I said very little.  I didn’t know what to say.  I wasn’t even sure what we were going to do next.  Would he want to go again?  Did I stay or go home?  This was all very new to me. 

He asked me if I wanted to take a shower and I declined.  It was signal enough that our session was over.  We had been in the basement no more than 30 minutes, but at times it felt like a lifetime.  After I declined to take a shower he got up, politely pulling me up with him, and started to get dressed.  It was the signal I was looking for that I also could start to get dressed also, which I did quickly.  He continued to talk, but it had nothing to do with what we just did.  It was as if we hadn’t done anything.  He was talking about all sorts of things but not once did he mention anything about the fact that he just fucked the shit out of me on the couch.  Not knowing what to do I played along with the conversation and didn’t bring up the sex either.  After going in the bathroom and washing his hands he asked me if I was ready to go upstairs.   I told him yes but I quickly went into the bathroom to look in the mirror and make sure I was ready to go back in public.  My face was red and my hair was messed up, but for the most part I wasn’t as much of a mess as I expected.  We then headed toward the stairs where he opened the door and I climbed the stairs.  I once again found myself in the kitchen. 

The party was still going on.  I couldn’t help but wonder if anyone had heard us. Both of us had had our loud moments but the stereo had never stopped as far as I could tell.  If anyone had heard anything they didn’t show any signs.  We didn’t chat with any of them though as my buddy knew that before we had even gone down to the basement that I was ready to go home.  Although we had come in through the back door which I now knew was his entrance to his basement apartment he instead led me to the front door and we walked out together. 

The awkwardness continued as he gave me a hug (no kiss) goodbye and said he would see me later.  I began to walk across the lawn to the sidewalk where I would walk the block to my car.  When I reached the sidewalk I briefly looked back at the house.  My buddy was gone.

We never fucked again.

I ran into him the next weekend and although a little weird it wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated.  We did not talk about what had happened the previous weekend.  We both acted as if it didn’t happen.  It somehow was evidently going to be our little secret, which was fine by the both of us.   He continued to flirt with me but somehow it was different.  I couldn’t put my finger on it but I sensed that I had somehow been an opportunistic fuck, at least on his part.  He could have elaborately planned to do what he did, but I doubted it.  I believe he simply saw a window of opportunity and I have to give him credit for taking advantage of it.  I also think he felt somewhat guilty about what he did although he never said as much.  I’m not sure if it was because he was in a relationship, or whether he knew that he had taken someone with very little sexual experience and had quickly taken him to a level he may not have been ready for.  He also saw me starting to experiment with dating.   Although nothing serious he possibly felt that I was now off limits in some way. 

We only discussed what we did one time many months later and he told me something that I would never forget.  We were at the bar and he had been drinking a little more than usual.  He was still funny and the life of the party but he suddenly became serious when we had a few moments alone and told me, “You know you owe me.”  I didn’t know what he was talking about and I asked him why.  He then told me that the party I went to eventually turned into a sex party.  The couple who owned the house held them about once a month.  How they worked was after about an hour the owner of the house turned on some porn on the TV, which was the sign that guys could start playing.  Those folks who were not into the scene could leave, and the rest of the guys could stay and do whatever they wanted.  The two bedrooms were available for use as well as the living room. 

I had heard about sex parties but had never been invited to one, or at least so I thought.  My buddy then went on to explain that when he first asked me to come to the party he was hoping that I would stay long enough for the sex party to begin.  He told me that he hoped I would join in the fun and then see if he could ‘get a piece of me.’  It was only after it was clear that I wasn’t going to stay long enough that he began the additional effort to at least see if he could get me alone, thus the request to go down to the basement.  He admitted that he didn’t think I liked him enough to play around with him.  When he used the words ‘play around’ I quickly thought that what we did went way beyond just playing around.  If anyone had been watching it would have looked like borderline rape.  It wasn’t of course but it was only because I somehow felt like I had some obligation that I could not explain that pushed me to do whatever he wanted me to do.

As he told me this new information his eyes glossed over a bit.  He clearly had drank more than usual and he was no longer looking directly at me as he described some of the sex parties that he had participated, which evidently were many.  He mentioned two young guys, a couple he thought, who had stayed and who had been drinking heavily.  He told me how several men had split them up and taken them into the two separate bedrooms and that both of the young guys had been used for several hours.  He didn’t give any details but I remembered the type of crowd that was there and I could certainly imagine what they would have done with the two young men.  I wanted to ask him if he had joined in but then I realized what he had done to me and I already knew the answer.

He then told me that when we first came into the house he had several guys that had asked him if I was staying.  A friend of his who he said was a ‘big leather guy’ evidently was very interested and had said that he ‘liked to fuck blondes.’  After I had left he said several guys asked where I was.  I was surprised that so many guys had even noticed that I was at the party.  Although I hadn’t been drinking that night I wondered what would have happened if I had somehow found myself upstairs and the sex party had begun.  What would I have done if suddenly complete strangers started to lead me to one of the two bedroom doors?  I knew what I did with my buddy so any clear consensus of what I would or wouldn’t have done was unclear.  I wonder to this day whether I missed out on an opportunity… or missed a bullet. 

I would stay friends with my one-time basement fuck bud for two years before he moved to another state. I would stay an additional year to finish school before I also left.  I never saw him again.

_________________________________

I thought about this long ago experience as I looked in the mirror, bent over my desk in my bedroom, and saw and felt as one of my cum buddies shoved his bare cock up my hole.  Covered only in spit I felt the sudden pain as my ass once again went from fully closed to being fucked balls deep by a big cock.  I clenched my teeth but did not move.  I had learned to not only put up with the pain, but to seek it out.  A large cock would still send incredible amounts of pain shooting though my body each and every time. 

He was a quick cummer and I knew he would not last very long.  He never did.  I looked over as he fucked me.  I had changed over the past 20+ years.  Gone was the twink body but a more athletic build that was achieved by going to the gym and working out hard 5-6 times per week replaced it.  I was still fairly smooth and my ass continued to be one of my better assets.

Yet here I was getting fucked and I couldn’t give a fuck what he looked like.  He had a cock and he wanted to fuck.  It excited me even more knowing most gay men would not be attracted to him and would not give him a second look.  He did have that cock though and talked nasty as he fucked me.  He didn’t hold back with his thoughts as he called me a fucking cum whore as he pounded me ass.  He always made me beg for his cum which I did, and did willingly.  As he had done many times he started to cum up my ass and I closed my eyes and tried to visualize his cock exploding cum deep up my ass. 

He pulled out and started to get dressed immediately.  I pulled on some shorts noting that I felt something drip down my leg as I pulled them on.  Unless I pushed out his cum it was rare for me to be dripping anything, but there were exceptions.  I ran a finger down my leg to feel where it had dripped and subtlety brought it up to my nose.  It was cum and somehow some of it had leaked out.  It turned me on and I almost licked my finger, but I did not.  My nasty fuck buddy, now dressed, then walked the short distance from my bedroom to the door and saying only, “See ya” and walked out the door.

I looked at the clock on my cell phone.  I had 30 minutes before another fuck bud was showing up.  I left the door unlocked and went to the living room to watch TV while I waited.